What's my life?

HELLO BLOGGER.

I'm still alive, not dead in blog yet.

I somehow feel lazy, my laziness drag me out from blogging.

Let's fighting, I win today! :P

Well, wondering what am I doing now?

If you check it out every of my updates in Facebook, you will know anything about me.

My Foundation officially ended last Thursday as I finished my last presentation on that day, which means that my HOLIDAY is happening from that day and NOW.

So, I will have approximately 2 months holiday before I start my Degree.

So, I'm waiting for my result out with full of anxious.

Honestly to say that my feeling now is not the same as I finished my SPM examination.

I thought I will be able to play as much as I can, but no.

And I ever thought I'm just stressing over my assignments, but no.

I realize I actually stress up with my LIFE.

After I ended my Foundation, I started thinking "Will I be able to continue and go through Degree?"

I'm just afraid that my result can't reach the CGPA as stated and disappoint my parents.

I lose all my confidence when I came into college life, how can I gain it back?

And yet, my parents always expect me too high. 

Always compare me and my sister everything. But why?

I don't think it is right because it is so unfair to me.

You know? Sometimes, when you did that, I wish to be like my sister.

I remember I did ask once before, "What IF I take graphic design like sister instead of architecture?"

and you replied me "It is better you take architecture because it suits with your standard, just take that graphic design as your hobby."

It is just too obvious when you make comparison between us.

Have you ever think of how and what I feel right now? Heartbroken.

Since I chose architecture, all I need to do is to study all the way until the end.

Sometimes, I get jealous with friends.

How I wish to go out with friends more often.

How I wish to have open relationship with my boyf.

How I wish to travel around the world and lots...

You know? When you control me during  high school, I understand and I will keep myself full schedule of tuition.

I can't play, I can't go out with friends, I can't online, I can't text...

And then you promised me, after SPM I will be freedom. I can do anything I like.

I felt so happy when I listen to this, so I told myself to be patient. Study study study is all I do.

And now? What is it? I can't even smell the freedom. I felt that I was still in a small cage.

Forever in the cage.

Can you set me free? I never know how it feels like.

I just need some spaces for me to breathe.

Asking a permission from you is just like I'm waiting for my turn during presentation.

Hatemylife,ibetterkeepmyselfshut.